Transitioning from HS to College Pt. 4 | Relationships: The End...

**DISCLAIMER: this is just a background story of my relationship in HS/College..**

Here it is guys, we’ve come to the end of my relationship story..

So I got this text from Alec, to come and pick him up from the light rail station. I literally looked at my phone for like 5 minutes and sent a quick reply to make sure he texted the right person. When he told me “yeah lol,” I went to go pick him up. I mean I try to be a good friend, no matter if someone is getting on my nerves or not. When I parked in front of his house, we ended up talking again..we were talking about school and what we were both up to, and then the serious stuff: where did we go wrong? I had this old feeling crawling throughout my body..the familiarity and ease I felt around him, everything was starting to make sense again and it was only for a couple hours.

We were starting to get comfortable with each other as time went on and when I realized it, I was starting to fall for him again. But then again, wasn’t I still into my new guy friend, Darren? That’s when things started to get confusing, and as much as I was in a mental turmoil…it felt sooooo good. By the end of the semester I pretty much let the guys know about each other. Crazy right?! I'm not one for keeping secrets (even though I can keep others'), I just felt weird about sneaking around with each of them..It felt like this baaaad secret, but it wasn't at the same time. I wasn't dating either one of them, I was just being...single and I was definitely mingling lol. Eventually, I would have to make a decision though, picking either one of them would be heartbreaking in my opinion. They were both different, they had strengths and weaknesses in some departments. So it wasn't easy, and I felt like my time was going to run out soon and I would lose the both of them, which in a way I would feel some kind of relief.

I did feel a little pressured from Alec because he changed his mind about giving me the time to make up my mind. So my decision was...me. I chose me, that way I could figure out what I truly wanted in a significant other and what I wanted in myself. And it was weird, both guys thought I was gonna pick them; Alec thought that because he knew I still loved him, that he was a "shoe in" and Darren thought because me and Alec broke up that I needed something different hence why I was talking to him. I kind of just laughed at both of them...in my head at least. After that, I barely talked to Darren. I was going through some things at home and I thought we were gonna hang out and just spend time together, but that didn't happen because he was busy with work and other things (which I understood completely). And at the same time I needed someone to be there for me when it counted most and he wasn't, but Alec was. Since he was still my best friend, he always knew what was going on in my life, and helped me get through my issues just like any friend would.

The day I wanted to tell Alec that I wanted to get back together, it didn't go as I planned. When I went over his house, we just hung out and watched TV. Just when I was going to say something, he told me "Hey maybe we should just be friends.." It was like that feeling all over again back in junior year, so I reluctantly said "Oh ok sure" and left it at that. I should've said something, but I didn't so I gave up on a happy future with him. That night before the first day of the spring semester, we were texting each other. I don't even remember most of the conversation, but I do remember telling him about how I felt that day a week or so before and of course he said "Why didn't you say something?" and we went on from there. I mean how can you respond to someone, who you love, when they tell you they just want to be friends? Don't you die just a little inside when you hear those words? When you replay those words over in your head and then wished you would've said something? To change their mind? To pour out your heart to them and they grab you and kiss you? I wanted that, but was too scared of rejection again, I thought maybe he was just trying to move on from me. I figured he would want that chance again. So by the end of the conversation, we were still just friends...but I still had that glimmer of hope.

The months that followed felt like a breeze, I simply just had fun and enjoyed my life. I was hanging out with Darren and his friend, Sam* from acting class and we had a ball together; going to movies, chilling and laughing at restaurants. It felt good to have guy friends again. But at the same time, I got to hang out with Alec and still had just as much fun as we did before and we grew closer together. By the end of the semester and the beginning of summer we got back together...Finally, after all this got damn time, we were a couple again and it felt awesome. It felt new and the same...and just right...Now we talk to each other more when we have problems, I'm still a little reserved. It's weird because I speak my mind all the time, but when it comes to being in a relationship I'm quiet lol. We've been together again for over a year now and I'm just happy. When it feels like things are falling apart around me, he's always my anchor to help me through it all (along with family and friends of course). And as much shit that we've been through, I still feel like the luckiest girl in the world...but it ain't all rainbows and sunshine lol.

*Name changed for the story.

Well this is the end of my story...for now..I'm still living things day by day. I hope that you've all enjoyed it so far. It was kind of fun to write this as a story/"memoir".

Nicole Eggleston